just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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