Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
