now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
