I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i may or may not be watching the land before time
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
