Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
