Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
