If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
