Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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