I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
