chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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