Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize