my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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