meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's blow job season.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
