well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize