dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
