Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
