I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize