i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
