That's when you crack a 10am beer
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
