I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
