WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
