I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize