apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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