If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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