Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
