He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
