just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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