Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
