I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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