don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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