i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
