i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
