Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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