i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
