I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
