So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
