I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize