he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
