Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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