I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
