nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
