I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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