Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
PANTIES FOUND
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