I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
