Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
