Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
