god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need a beard to bite.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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