every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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