from now on my penis is your penis
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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