I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
