Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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