Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
