sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
