so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Come on in and take your pants off
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