Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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