I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
