The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
