she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I had to cum in my sink.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
