Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
