It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
