Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
