you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
