When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
