I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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