Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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