I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize