Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
