tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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