i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize