I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
