Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
