Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
