Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
