I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
