So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
