So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
