I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize