I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
